It may surprise you to learn that many Christmas movies have strong Bitcoin themes. You may know this genre for its crass commercialism and shallow emotional ploys, but when you take the time to consider some of the its canonical works, a subversive thread of laser-eyed maximalism emerges. Therefore, to aid you in your orange-pilling endeavors, I have compiled a list of those Christmas movies that will naturally lead to fruitful conversations about various aspects of Bitcoin.
Screwed
Obviously, we all know that the people in charge are selfish, heck because we're talking bitcoin, we know that all people are selfish. So, clearly, no Christmas is complete without a viewing of this excellent film featuring Bill Murray as a self-absorbed media mogul who finds out that there isn't any alternative to staying humble and stacking sats.
Bitcoin Elf: Discover Magical Internet Money
You probably know that this movie is like an 11 out of 10 on the annoying scale. The sheer, disgusting goody-goody-ness of it has been the cause of more vomit stains in my house than any other film. And yet, we have to admit, there's a little bit of Buddy of the Elf in every bitcoiner and it comes out whenever that friend or family-member comes up to us and asks, "So, hey, you know how about that bitcoin stuff, right?" So, remember to don your Buddy the Maximalist persona and overwhelm them with sure enthusiasm.
Bitcoin Conquers the Martians
Honestly, nobody watches cult classics. They say they do, but when it comes right down to it, you don't really want to sit through an hour-and-a-half of absolute shit just so you can brag to people that you've seen some movie that was made long before they had computers--or good taste. However, that shouldn't stop you from watching this gem, neither should the fact that it takes light half an hour to reach Mars and you definitely couldn't participate in the Bitcoin network if you were on Mars.
Dollar Gremlins
Who hasn't gotten a couple unexpected bucks--maybe you found them in your pocket, or an aunt or uncle who you'd forgotten existed gave them to you for your birthday or something--and felt like they were the king of the world...only to find out that dollars aren't what you think they are...and that whole saving thing you were taught as a kid got turned into a lie by central bankers and now you have a monster on your hands? Well, this movie brings it all home in the visceral way only Steven Spielberg can.
Fiat Christmas
I'm not a big fan of horror movies in general, and I certainly don't seek them out around this time of year (it's horrific enough), but no Christmas season is complete without a viewing of this seasonal slasher. Watch your savings get gutted, your priorities disfigured, and capital allocation in general go through stomach-clenching torture. Not for the faint of heart.
A Bitcoin Story
It's a weird movie. There's no question about that. But if you're honest with yourself, your Christmases probably have more in common with this classic than they do with any of the perfect Christmas bliss that gets promulgated everywhere you go. Besides, this is what we've got bitcoin for, right? To live in a world where we can all buy the weird bunny rabbit costumes and Red Ryder BB guns that make our hearts sing and not have some Peeping Liz leaning over our shoulders telling us what we can and cannot do with our money.
Bank Alone
Remember the first time you saw this and totally felt like you could single-handedly defend your parents' home from a whole army of thieves? Kevin touched a chord--maybe it's his self-reliance or the metaphor of fiat money causing a family to forget the most important of things--a child, or maybe it's his thoughtful and well-considered home-defense strategies--whatever the case, there is no question that Kevin would totally have been a bitcoiner. Has anybody orange-pilled Macauley Culkin, yet?
Christmas Zapcation
Clark Griswold is never wrong. You've probably seen the bell-curve meme: Clark Griswold inhabits both ends of the curve. And Clark Griswold knows that getting sats for posting dank memes is the better self that the internet always wanted to be.
Die Maharder
Nothing dies harder than bitcoin. This is probably spilling the beans, but I'm going to just come out and say it: John McClane is Satoshi. Do you need to know anything else?
How the Grinch Didn't Steal Your Bitcoin
It doesn't get better than the Grinch. Everything you like about Scrooge, but actually funny. Besides, if you want a dose of reality...here it is: people want your bitcoin and they are going to go to great lengths to take it from you, so you best learn how not to be a sad little Who and get your self-custody game on!
BONUS: Santa Gets Dollarized
As I said earlier, I'm not much of a horror fan, but some times you have to face facts, and this really is more of a documentary, so make sure you have a sturdy stomach and settle in with your favorite comfort blanket or stuffed animal, because when you really take stock of what central banking has done to everything you love, you probably won't be able to sleep for a few nights...or weeks.
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